Intentional pursuit of patterns

In this segment I thought we’d focus a bit more on our intentions and how aware or unaware we are about them. The question of what we are supposed to do with our life is something that somewhere deep inside the most of us is a nagging little nuisance which constantly keeps us on our toes, or perhaps more likely and probably worse, keeps us up at night. We often chose to put that nut aside to crack later and focus on more mundane tasks that seem more relevant to our current context, possibly hoping that the nut will magically open itself while we look the other way. So let’s do just that for now, put that nut in the cabinet, pocket, a jar or wherever you think it will attract the magic and instead let’s look at how we go about doing those other things. 

If we take any arbitrary situation or action like reading the newspaper, attending a dinner, riding the bus or even something as automated as breathing and were to describe how we went about doing them and what happened as we did them we would have to in some way or other start by dissecting the complete act into parts and start giving them certain connotations. If we can stay objective enough we may discover that the way that we do certain things is not necessarily the only way they could be done but rather that it is our way of doing them. We do it this way because it feel natural to us. They are our habits. When digging a bit deeper and by adding a bit of self criticism and humility it is very possible that we come to admit that for certain things there are segments that could be done differently and that if we only focused on changing them they could be beneficial to us. This is not to say that whatever it is that you’re doing is done in a bad, good, right or wrong way, that’s not the point of this discussion and we’ll deal with ethos later. But to take that kind of judgement out and keep this as morally disconnected as possible let’s use the example of walking. I like using walking not only because we won’t focus on wrong or right but also because it doesn’t take a lecture hall full of social anthropologists to state that we all walk in different ways (as in moving the body, not directions although on a figurative plane that would be true as well, but we’re all about to end up in the same place eventually…again a later discussion). All it takes is to look at people walking and we can quickly see that there are about as many ways to go about this (pun intended) as there are people walking. The idea is really just an action of which we can become more aware. It is quite difficult to do something with awareness and just let it happen like it would if you weren’t paying attention. Try walking and pay attention to how you lift the foot, roll the hip, bend the knee, land the heel and not alter it as you go. The step will likely feel completely different to what you normally would feel. Why? Because the secret to happiness lies hidden in the spring of your step…kidding, it doesn’t, but because it triggers your awareness to a pattern that you haven’t cared to analyze since you literally “got to your feet” after crawling around on the floor as a toddler. Again, I am not suggesting you should now change the way you walk because there is a right and wrong way to do it (that’s your physio’s job to tell you), I only suggest that it is a process that you do out of habit and just as with your walking manners you have accumulated countless amounts of other automated processes and some of them might be due for an appraisal. Let’s face it, you’re patterned. The question is: were these patterns intentionally pursued and applied and do they serve you as well as you (don’t) think they do?

Any teacher worth their break room coffee have heard the expression “practice doesn’t make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect” and some might even use it to motivate their students’ practice so that they later can perform a more, to their standards, desired result. Now, I believe the word practice has become a bit feathered around its edges and is not always used for what it actually is supposed to mean. We often say that we practice playing the piano (less often by those of us who don’t play the piano) or we practice something else just as choreographed to become more like its blueprint and that’s all well and fine, and true; repeating the instructions according to the blueprint will give a result more in its likeness. But even if we aren’t all piano players, we are still all practitioners, all the time practically carrying something out with some kind of effort, we might just not always do it with the awareness of the piano player, but we do … stuff, practically. Repetition is practice and enough practice create a pattern of behavior, choreographed or not we still create a blueprint that we eventually will follow unconsciously. This goes for everything, from the way we respond to bad news to how we react to too hot coffee as well as how we act around strangers and the way we reason. We can discuss the difference between reaction and response at some point but I dare say that both are often tainted by patterns even if responding arguably has more potential to contain reflection and mindfulness. But let’s stick to the way we walk. The reason we don’t spend more time to fine tune our strut is because our intention with that practice was to get us to where we were going, literally and once we got it we could focus on other things which left that program automated. When we learn something, especially by trial and error and manage to overcome certain hurdles that gets us where we wanted we don’t immediately seek out new obstacles or try different ways that seemingly would reach the same result. It’s an unnecessary challenge once we have become comfortable with our way. It’s not until we are forced out of our comfort that we feel motivated to start the process again. Like if we fall and break our leg for instance, the whole process of learning how to walk has to start again. Unfortunately there are many practices where “breaking a leg” isn’t as easy as actually breaking a leg, as there are lot of patterns out there (in there) that are in need for some relearning. One of the reasons we are pretty bad at picking up on these patterns is because we come to identify with them on a very deep level. The comfort they provide boosts our confidence of being capable of things but more importantly they confirm something about who we are to ourselves. As I have mentioned, they have become o u r way. Questioning and accusing them to be non-serving, or even harder, trying to change them, would not be just altering a superficial mannerism but actually challenges our very identity, our ego if you so will. If you don’t believe me, spend the rest of the day mimicking the way other people walk, in public, and see if you don’t feel like you’re playing a role or as if you were making fun of someone. You simply won’t feel like you are being yourself, and that’s just walking. Try talking, crying or making love like someone else and you’re really starting to strip yourself of your mask. 

So again, why is this worth bringing up? Why can’t we just leave our patterns alone and go on to do our thing, with the stuff and people like we usually do? Well, unless you are about to go crack that nut we mentioned at the start, in which case … go for it, God speed,  my guess is that there are things in your life that bring or have brought or you worry will bring you sadness, remorse, anger, or other rotten fruits of suffering. How you handle these, how you receive and approach things that you feel stand in the way of your happiness is also a pattern; repeated actions, reactions, responses that you have come to take for granted. And this is where that comfortable seat needs to disappear if we want have a stab at changing these patterned responses and live a bit more satisfied and free from worry or grief. To reprogram the patterns into something that actually serves us there is really only one thing we can do: practice with awareness and begin the pursuit of intentional patterning.

First we must acknowledge and become aware of the patterns we currently carry, like we did with the mindful step that let us recognize the way we walk. If we can notice and reflect without necessarily judge the pattern we arrive at a good observation point from which we can objectively describe and dissect what is going on. When we do this we are bound to find that, at least in some part (actually all of it but let’s start easy), we are responsible for the way things make us feel and if we are brave enough to hone up to this responsibility the step to realize that we by that same power also have the ability to change it, is not far away. This is where we run into one of those hurdles that we often skip because it requires a tremendous amount of effort; to dislodge ourselves from our image of ourselves and change, really change. In other words not only getting of the couch but actually setting it on fire and let go of things we have grown comfortable with. Not an easy task. The cool thing though is that if you are up for it and feel ready for this challenge you don’t have to seek out each and every hurdle and practice a new pattern to get over each and everyone. Our minds are much smarter than that so instead of pruning the branches one by one we can we can access the root of the whole tree and deal with things there. It will however take a fair bit of commitment as it is kind of like learning how to walk again, but we all have that commitment the proof of that is the fact that you are not crawling like an infant to your next dinner date. The way I suggest you start is to find a cushion, any color will do but need to be comfortable because you will be sitting on it for quite some time. Put it on the floor, sit on it, close your eyes, relax every single muscle in your body so that your skin is like a sack of sand around the bones. Allow the bones to hold the body upright, arrive or better yet exist there as if you were a mountain that had been there since the dawn of time. Settled, solid but not tense and then direct your attention to your breath. If you can remain there without judging or assessing the breath but simply allow yourself to notice you are already well on your way to that objective reflective state from where you only observe without interfering, you may identify, describe and dissect but avoid from analyzing, poking around or starting a novel about what you observe. Remember, we are at the root of things, this is not where you want to pull levers and push buttons in hope to fix one thing one way and another thing in another, who knows what triggers that would set off in this mess of thought, subconsciousness, desire and fear. Just leave things alone for a while and witness the miracle of you sitting still and not touching your phone for fifteen minutes. This place is also not where we find the blueprints to our patterns, at least not at first and not in a language we understand anyway, but it is where we plant the seed and nurture it so that the branches can grow in patterns that serves us and bear fruit. To do so we plant a seed with our intention and we nurture it with practice, again and again and again.