From your point of view

We’ll get back to the patterns and intention in due time, for now let’s just say that practicing (meaning, doing whatever it is you’re doing) is worth doing with awareness if we have any interest in scratching the surface of getting closer to who we are. There are of course those of us who already know this, I’m sure you’ve met them. They stand solid in their opinions, know what they want, although often express it in ways that makes it more clear what they don’t want and we have very little business questioning their opinion. Arguments often end with agreeing to disagree and leave both parties’ standpoints as solid, if yet poles apart, as they were when they started. 

I personally am intrigued by these people (often to their great frustration) because a sentence like “this is just what I think”, with the stress on I, or something similar is bound to be uttered to signify that there is no point trying to change their mind. There is also the “it is just the way I am” kind of people who with a more humble attitude almost apologetically wants to make clear that they are aware of some of their quirks but are incapable of doing anything about them. In both cases there is a statement in the subtitle saying “I know who I am” and this is what intrigues my curious mind. I have spent the better part of this life wanting to figure out who I am so when I come across this kind of conviction I am eager to see if I can take some of their advice to reach there myself. The certainty with which these statements are made is, almost, persuading. How do I get into those shoes and see the world from their point of view?

Yes, this is sarcasm and I admit it’s a cheap bullet that often backfires but I’m ok with a bit of heat if it gets the point across. 

So we know who we are and through all the hardship, heartbreak and challenges we have been through we have come to see that maybe we are not perfect or exactly as we would wish to be. But we have come to accept these demises and learnt to live with them, they have taught us lessons, shaped us into who we are and made us unique so we are ok with them as being a part of who we identify ourselves as. And if we can live with it the rest of the world should accept this too and it wouldn’t be fair if this isn’t taken into account by everyone else. This is a little bit like walking around with a pebble in our shoe and expect the rest of the world to, at the very least, have an understanding for why we are limping if not also have empathy for our pain. Saying that we have come to accept the pebble and the pain it causes is really not acceptance at all, it a slothful and lazy attitude towards a kind of compromise that in the end makes no one happier. One thing to recognize with the pebbles is that they will either gnaw their way into our feet and create permanent scars (which mind well is not a pebble but a memory of a pebble) or if we are slightly more resilient we instead push our tough skin into the pebbles until they wear out the soles of our shoes resulting in a painful barefoot dance on a very rough surface. In the first fear is likely to prevent walking anywhere again, the other doing so constantly disgruntled. None of them makes for a spring-in-the-step journey through life. There are also different kind of pebbles, those which we can admit were put there by ourselves and we can on occasion shake out, kind of like cutting off bad habitual patterns. Then there are pebbles that must be coming from somewhere else which we have no power over: “it was put there by my parents, it’s their fault”, “my job requires this of me” or “it’s always been there, it is just a   p a r t  o f  w h o   I   a m”. These excuses (which is really what they are) are often backed up with a thanks but no thanks: “you’re not in my shoes, you don’t see things from where I am, you wouldn’t understand”. This is true but only for as long as you keep blocking my view. 

It is extremely difficult for me to see things from your perspective if you keep standing your ground. So why don’t we move aside more often to let others have a glance at the same landscape we are looking at? As far as I see it the stubbornness comes from one of two places. We are either afraid that if someone else is able to see everything we see exactly as we see it they will find things that we overlooked and make us feel stupid for having ignored. Or, we understand that if we move from our rigid standpoint we will automatically gain a fresh perspective of our situation which will defy and contradict what we have been so convinced of. Both reasons stem from fear and ignorance, two vices that stand directly against the virtues of curiosity and wisdom and harm the potential for a happy life free of suffering. There is also a bit of pride involved but pride is basically a branch from the root of ignorance so once that is dealt with pride ought to go at the same time. 

Our point of view, or opinion, is closely connected to our patterns, one defines us by how we think (which is a pattern in itself), the other by how we behave. Both create a similar comfort zone within which we recognize ourselves as being a certain someone and it is equally challenging to dislodge ourselves from the corner stones that keep that comfort zone intact. Change is not comfortable especially when there is no guaranteed outcome that we will get it back once we agree to give it up. Therefore it can be difficult to admit when the time of being comfortable is over and commit to the hard work towards a happier, pebble free life. There are many roads that lead there and one of them is through the swamps of ignorance, but before we go perhaps get a new pair of shoes and make sure to shake them out before you lace them? 

Quick note before we move on. Just on acceptance: for anyone who might react to the above about accepting the pain being a compromise. Basically what is meant by this is that there is a difference between accepting pain and carry it and accepting pain and ending it. Ask me to elaborate later if it’s not clear and I forget to bring it up again. 

I used to be stubborn and justify my rigid opinion with experience, reason and logical deduction. I still base my opinion by these means but I dare say the difference is that it’s less rigid now. These days I enjoy sharing my deductions in a way that perhaps and hopefully can inspire others to seek wisdom. Note, I don’t share wisdom nor claim to be very wise at all, but let’s take that discussion later and move on with the subject of opinion.